Letter To The Local Police

By June Jordan

Dear Sirs:

I have been enjoying the law and order of our

community throughout the past three months since

my wife and I, our two cats, and miscellaneous

photographs of the six grandchildren belonging to

our previous neighbors (with whom we were very

close) arrived in Saratoga Springs which is clearly

prospering under your custody

Indeed, until yesterday afternoon and despite my

vigilant casting about, I have been unable to discover

a single instance of reasons for public-spirited concern,

much less complaint

You may easily appreciate, then, how it is that

I write to your office, at this date, with utmost

regret for the lamentable circumstances that force

my hand

Speaking directly to the issue of the moment:

I have encountered a regular profusion of certain

unidentified roses, growing to no discernible purpose,

and according to no perceptible control, approximately

one quarter mile west of the Northway, on the southern

side

To be specific, there are practically thousands of

the aforementioned abiding in perpetual near riot

of wild behavior, indiscriminate coloring, and only

the Good Lord Himself can say what diverse soliciting

of promiscuous cross-fertilization

As I say, these roses, no matter what the apparent

background, training, tropistic tendencies, age,

or color, do not demonstrate the least inclination

toward categorization, specified allegiance, resolute

preference, consideration of the needs of others, or

any other minimal traits of decency

May I point out that I did not assiduously seek out

this colony, as it were, and that these certain

unidentified roses remain open to viewing even by

children, with or without suitable supervision

(My wife asks me to append a note as regards the

seasonal but nevertheless seriously licentious

phenomenon of honeysuckle under the moon that one may

apprehend at the corner of Nelson and Main

However, I have recommended that she undertake direct

correspondence with you, as regards this: yet

another civic disturbance in our midst)

I am confident that you will devise and pursue

appropriate legal response to the roses in question

If I may aid your efforts in this respect, please

do not hesitate to call me into consultation

Respectfully yours,

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